Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Why the Oilers should move to Seattle (and Santa should bring me a pony)

Okay, okay, they're not going to. The visit was a dirty ploy to get the arena deal they want in their own market, they just did it because it worked for Lemieux, and there's no way they'll actually leave. Everyone's clear on that. But in these difficult times of hockey paucity, we're all relying on our imaginations for entertainment; if you can hope that Bettman's heart will grow three sizes in time for the Winter Classic and there will be HBO 24/7 and roast beast for all, we Seattle hockey fans can permit ourselves a little daydreaming about what it would be like to cheer for Nuge in the shiny new arena Chris Hansen is about to bestow upon us. Here, then, are a few reasons for Daryl Katz to send his crew along the yellow brick road:

1. In Seattle, unlike Edmonton, there will be no risk of Nail Yakupov finding himself in a situation where he might actually have to fight a bear.

2. What kind of a namesake for a hockey team is petroleum? We would name them after a much cooler and more ice-appropriate local product, like coffee or terrible operating systems. The Seattle Vista, that sounds way more inspiring than "Oilers."

3. If the team is no longer named after petroleum products, they no longer need to show their support for such products by eating Dairy Queen "ice cream." Hall and Eberle could move their traditional pre-game date night to a higher-quality establishment like Molly Moon's or Peaks Frozen Custard.

4. Curtis Hamilton is from Tacoma. He could show everybody around.

5. We'll give them a downtown arena. Eventually. When we build it. Whatever, the Oilers are used to being patient and waiting for good things to happen.

Sunday, September 23, 2012